For many people, summer brings more than sunshine and barbecues — it also brings family reunions, holidays and long-awaited get-togethers. While these events can be joyful, they can also be emotionally exhausting, especially if you have strained or complicated relationships with certain family members.
As a Mental Health Clinician, I often hear from clients who dread family functions. They feel guilty for not wanting to attend or anxious about potential conflict. If this sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone, and your feelings are valid.
Family doesn’t always feel safe.
It’s a myth that just because someone is “family,” they have unconditional access to your time, energy, or emotions.
Some relatives may be critical, manipulative, or dismissive. Others may bring up old wounds, minimize your growth, or cross boundaries you’ve tried hard to set.
Just because you’re related doesn’t mean the relationship is always healthy.
Signs that a family gathering might be emotionally draining: You feel anxious or irritable before the event, you rehearse conversations or arguments in your head, you leave feeling emotionally depleted or angry or you suppress parts of yourself just to keep the peace.
So, how can you protect your peace without completely isolating yourself? Here are a few strategies that can help:
1. Set boundaries ahead of time.
Decide how long you’ll stay, what topics are off-limits, and who you’ll interact with. Give yourself permission to say “no,” leave early or step away if needed.
2. Don’t take the bait.
If someone tries to provoke you or pull you into an argument, remember: not every comment deserves a response. Silence or a simple “let’s not go there” is a powerful way to protect your energy.
3. Plan an emotional exit strategy.
If you know you’ll be drained afterward, plan something comforting for yourself later, such as a walk, time with a safe friend, or simply doing nothing. Rest is recovery.
4. Validate your own experience.
It’s okay to grieve the family dynamic you wish you had. It’s also okay to create your own definition of family — one that’s based on respect, care and mutual support.
5. Seek support.
If navigating family relationships is consistently painful, talking with a therapist can help you explore deeper patterns, set firmer boundaries and begin to heal.
Family can be a source of love, but not always. Protecting your peace is not selfish; it’s self-respect.
(Christina Martinez, LCSW, is the Program Manager of the Los Banos Clinic of Merced County Behavioral Health and Recovery Services, located at 40 W. G. St., Suite C, in Los Banos.)
