During this busy time of the year, it is easy to allow ourselves to become overwhelmed due to demands that can include work deadlines, family conflict and financial pressure.
We often think of stress as something that comes from the outside, but one of the most powerful sources of stress (or calm) comes from inside: the way we talk to ourselves.
Your brain doesn’t automatically distinguish between an external threat and an internal one. When your self-talk sounds like “I’m failing,” “I’m not enough,” or “I always mess things up,” your nervous system reacts as if danger is present. Stress hormones rise, your heart rate increases and your body shifts into survival mode: fight, flight, freeze or fawn.
This means your thoughts aren’t “just thoughts.” They are biological signals.
On the other hand, compassionate self-talk acts like a calming message to your body. Statements such as “I’m doing the best I can,” “This is hard, but I can handle it,” or “I don’t have to be perfect to be worthy” tell your nervous system that it is safe to slow down. Over time, this creates a greater sense of emotional stability and resilience.
This doesn’t mean you have to force toxic positivity. Life is hard, and pretending otherwise can feel invalidating. Healthy self-talk isn’t about lying to yourself — it’s about being honest without being cruel. It sounds more like, “This is really uncomfortable, and I’m learning how to move through it,” instead of, “I shouldn’t feel this way.”
One of the most empowering truths in mental health is this: you are always listening to yourself. The tone you use matters. The words you choose matter. And the relationship you build with yourself can become either your greatest source of stress — or your most reliable source of peace.
(Christina Martinez, LCSW, is the Program Manager of the Los Banos Clinic of Merced County Behavioral Health and Recovery Services, located at 40 W. G. St., Suite C, in Los Banos.)
