As Mother’s Day approached, florists prepared bouquets and social media filled with joyful tributes. For many, it’s a day of celebration, gratitude, laughter and cherished memories with a beloved mother or as a proud mother.
But for others, Mother’s Day can be a quiet, aching reminder of grief, loss or unfulfilled hopes. For those who have lost a mother, this day can trigger deep sorrow. The absence is felt more sharply amid the cultural pressure to celebrate.
It’s not uncommon to experience a resurgence of grief, even years after a loss. Grief doesn’t follow a timeline and days like these can bring unexpected waves of sadness, nostalgia or even anger.
It’s important to remember that these feelings are valid. They don’t need to be fixed, only witnessed and held with compassion.
Mother’s Day can also be a tender wound for women who long to be mothers but struggle with infertility, miscarriage, or other barriers to motherhood. Others may have chosen a different path in life but still feel left out or judged by a society that heavily equates womanhood with motherhood.
Still others may be estranged from their mothers or come from complicated, painful maternal relationships. These stories are often untold, but they are no less real.
If you find yourself struggling this Mother’s Day, know that you are not alone. It’s okay to opt out of celebrations that don’t feel authentic to where you are emotionally. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel both gratitude and grief. Give yourself permission to hold space for your truth.
Here are a few gentle ways to care for your mental health this Mother’s Day:
Acknowledge your feelings. You don’t need to pretend everything is okay. Naming your emotions is the first step toward healing.
Create a personal ritual. Light a candle for a mother who is no longer here, write a letter or take a nature walk, anything that helps you connect meaningfully with your emotions.
Limit social media. Curated images and celebrations can intensify feelings of loneliness or comparison. Permit yourself to unplug.
Connect with others. Reach out to someone who understands. A supportive friend, a therapist or a community group can provide a safe space to share and process.
Practice self-compassion. Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a grieving friend. Be gentle. You deserve kindness.
Please be mindful when bringing up the topic of Mother’s Day with others. When greeting others don’t assume everyone is a mother, either by choice or not, or whether everyone has a mother to celebrate the day with. Let’s make room for all the ways people experience Mother’s Day.
It’s not just a time of joy, it can also be a time of remembering, longing and healing. As a community, we honor not only mothers but also the many different journeys of love, loss and identity that this day brings to light.
(Christina Martinez, LCSW, is the Program Manager of the Los Banos Clinic of Merced County Behavioral Health and Recovery Services, located at 40 W. G. St., Suite C, in Los Banos.)
