BY SUSAN YOUNG
Our Father’s House
“All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them, ”Acts 2:4.
The first line of communication is understanding. My prayer each day is that God allows me to communicate in a language that is understood by the hearer.
Often the reason we have problems in our marriage, our family, at work, in friendships and even in the church is because of a failure to communicate. Could it be as simple as inviting the Holy Spirit into our conversations?
We must do our best to be mindful of our words.
“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver,” Proverbs 25:11.
Our tone, accusations, attitude and hyperbole can either calm a spirit down or put one on edge.
Carefully choose your timing. Sometimes calmer hearts prevail when we take a step back and really think about what outcome we’d like to have. I am by no means a proponent of overthinking, but sometimes we can avoid a conflict by measuring the impact and timing of our words.
Ensure that you are speaking from a position of equals, not as a persecutor, a victim or a rescuer. So many conflicts can be avoided by not taking every conversation as a battle or an attack. Keep in mind that even in conflict, the person isn’t your enemy. You only have one enemy, and it is a demon named Satan.
Practice listening to understand.
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;”
James 1:19.
Listen to hear, not to answer back.
Aim to see the other’s point of view.
“If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame,” Proverbs 18:13.
Never assume agreement. Just because you stated what you wanted does not mean the other person agrees to the terms. Confirm your request by asking if the person understands and agrees.
My husband swears he turns off the lights in our home 1,000 times a day. His words. Since it’s only the two of us in our home, you can assume it’s me who leaves the lights on, and you’d be right.
Instead of a conversation, he sighs, loudly, I must say, and says to no one in particular, “I must turn the lights off in this home 1,000 times a day.”
We finally sat and talked, and he said, “I notice you leave the lights on in each room you go into, and it really bothers me. I would prefer that you turn them off.”
I could have argued, or defended myself, laughed, or pointed out something he does, but none of that would have been Christian communication, so instead I apologized and said, “I will try to do better. Honestly, it may take me a bit to get better, but I see it bothers you, so I will do my best to be better.”
I didn’t promise perfection, but I acknowledged his frustration and agreed to do better.
What are some conversations you need to have? Can you get clear about them and then, instead of getting irritated, sit down and have a conversation? A conversation where we would not be mortified if the Holy Spirit were sitting and listening, because facts are, dear brothers and sisters, He is.
